Take a Load of Brandy
By now you probably realise the pattern of my Monday nights. Well this one was no exception. I got a call at 8 that there was a slot free in the Cosmopolitan Bar, and myself and Gwen went down to play a set. On the way, walking through the neighborhood that I grew up in, I hear my name called. He is far away, but I'd recognise his voice anywhere, and it seems he would recognise me anywhere. Apollo. Stupid grins on both our faces, which are as always hard to hide. Embarrassed all the more because Gwen is there. He knows the score though, and they have met once before, the last relapse I had with Apollo.
Apollo tugs at his hat and says "Look - it's the hat you made me." It's nice of him to point it out but I'd noticed. He's out for a walk (he is the most antsy person I know) and will walk to the bar with us. But he will have to go home then cos he left the heating on, and he'll get into trouble. That's a sad state of affairs, I tease, if you get into trouble for that. He blushes and says he doesn't mean get into trouble but... I walk on pleased that I am not the woman who is putting him under such silly constraints. I am also pleased that I look nice this evening.
Once we reach the pub, Apollo decides to come in for a pint anyhow. I was determined not to drink but he twists my rubber arm, and buys me a pint. Soon we have three drunk each, and he and Gwen are deep in conversation about sexual needs, music, and upbringing in the States (they are both American). I am happy for once to be silent, completely content because I am sat between two of my favourite people on this planet, whom I love deeply, and they have mutual respect for each other and me, but are only really meeting intellectually for the first time. Apollo keeps complimenting me, subtly, but I pick it up. I feel a rush of relief - this love I carry is reciprocated, albeit in a fucked-up fashion, and I am not being arrogant in thinking it. For whatever reason the man can't live with me, and now, finally, it is his loss. I love him for letting me know that too. He knows, and blushes, but all I did was smile at him.
It is time for me to play my set, and without realising it, I start on Good Girl. Fuck...I wrote this song about the last time I saw him. Now I have to sing it to him, and he will know it's about him. I hope he doesn't feel uncomfortable - I've had people sing songs at me and it's hard. But no, he is rivetted, and Gwen is great on harmony and accompanying guitar. Then I play I'm Home, which is about me finding a place for myself wherever I am in the world, and making it my spacem followed by Wednesday's Child. Gwen then plays We Can Work It Out, Mrs Robinson, and the Spain, which is his song. Apollo whoops and claps and sings along. He has not changed that much.
Afterwards, he tells me that although he always liked my songs, he feels I should just go for it 100% now because I have the performance down pat. I am relieved he wasn't uncomfortable at the first song, although I don't say it. I am pleased at his compliment and earnest support, when, as usual, he realises exactly what I need support in, and supplies it. We have a little conversation about his hair, which he has recently cut, and I am amused by it. I like your hair better kind of short, I tell him. He looks in genuine amazement at me and blurts out "But I thought you prefered it long! You told me to grow it!" I told you to grow it because you wanted to grow it and were worried about how it would look! I retort equally indignantly! Then we laugh, and I repeat it again, softly this time. He nods as though he were stupid not to have realised it for himself. What's interesting is that he too has only just cut his hair, and he kept it long up until now...
At the end of the gig we have a bit of a session with Gwen and Apollo complimenting each other on their guitar and musical skills. They keep choosing to play songs that I knwo for a fact they both love to play, which cements their relationship further. Everytime one goes to the bathroom, I get a tirade of "God, he's lovely, blah blah blah" until whoever "he" is, returns. When we leave, I can see Apollo is unsure of whether to come with us to the Middle Ground. I want him to, but I also know he'll feel uncomfortable, and that he is already worried about us getting on so well. I give him a hug and tell him "I suppose you're going home now", to which he firmly decides he will, and we walk to the end of the road and seperate. I thank him for the pints and company, and watch him leave.
Me and Gwen are binned now, and we never meant to get this bad. The MiddleGround is like it's waiting for us, and Crow is glad to see us, and sticks us up for 4 tunes. I have a great time, and people stamp and laugh along to our set, which is very nice. Duff is nowhere to be seen, but someone else is. Peach, the boy with the green eyes, who I have only ever met about 7 times since 1995 when I dated his friend. He is sat on his own, and I join him. Another green-eyed person I adore for no real reason. We have a great chat about people and music and the way we think (similarly, it seems) on a great many things including being honest. We also dicuss how people see us as different to how we see ourselves. Gwen and I laugh and point at each other as usual also, and by the time we leave we are on for another drink but it is 3.30 and everywhere is shut. As usual the bouncer is an asshole to me : they flash the lights to indicate last drinks, but don't give you drink up time, which they are required to do. We had just bought drinks, and they yelled at everyone to leave, so I promised I would but asked for 5 minutes, yell-free, in which to finish my drink. As usual, they yelled at me, not any of the lads, and finally said yeah ok. But Peach was furious on my behalf, because apparently the bouncer then took him by the arm and told him to make sure to get me out of there, saying I was troublesome.
I have never caused trouble there, and the guy has a big problem with me. I was furious. I know the reason now too. Last week, after a similar incident, he said to my face that I caused trouble. I retorted angrily that I had never caused trouble(it's true), and that I reckon he has a sexual problem with me. He grinned, and I made as if to kiss and make up. Then I pulled back, and laughed. He was not amused. It was not nice of me, I agree, but I am not nice when pissed off and drunk as well. And this guy manhandles me always as well...I've made a complaint about him before, but I am thinking about doing it again.
In any case, I decided we were going to Friends, a member's bar round the corner, so Peach and Gwen and I went to try and get more drinks (I know - we're desperate!). At the door, I explained that we had been doing a gig at the Middle Ground, and had been told by Hatefulbouncer that we could get drinks here (he said no such thing of course). Your man at the door looked at me in amusement (I've done this before) and sighed dramatically before going "Alright. Get in. But leave the guitars in the clookroom or downstairs." I smiled as warmly as I could (and probably slightly cross-eyed as we were already mouldy), and we went inside. And drank. Until about 5am. Then Gwen NEEDED to go home, and NEEDED to walk on his own, and well, I get like that too, so I hugged him and let him go despite the fact we live in the same building. Peach and I chatted and laughed some more and then left. He lives down the road from me a good bit, so we decided to get a taxi together. But I rarely get taxis, and it was a nice night, and anyway I suspected I'd no money, so we started walking. I can honestly say I would not have made it home if he had not walked me. I would have happily slept in a gutter, I was that stocious. But my pride refused to let me do that while in company, and I think that's why he left me home, before carrying on on his own.
Apollo tugs at his hat and says "Look - it's the hat you made me." It's nice of him to point it out but I'd noticed. He's out for a walk (he is the most antsy person I know) and will walk to the bar with us. But he will have to go home then cos he left the heating on, and he'll get into trouble. That's a sad state of affairs, I tease, if you get into trouble for that. He blushes and says he doesn't mean get into trouble but... I walk on pleased that I am not the woman who is putting him under such silly constraints. I am also pleased that I look nice this evening.
Once we reach the pub, Apollo decides to come in for a pint anyhow. I was determined not to drink but he twists my rubber arm, and buys me a pint. Soon we have three drunk each, and he and Gwen are deep in conversation about sexual needs, music, and upbringing in the States (they are both American). I am happy for once to be silent, completely content because I am sat between two of my favourite people on this planet, whom I love deeply, and they have mutual respect for each other and me, but are only really meeting intellectually for the first time. Apollo keeps complimenting me, subtly, but I pick it up. I feel a rush of relief - this love I carry is reciprocated, albeit in a fucked-up fashion, and I am not being arrogant in thinking it. For whatever reason the man can't live with me, and now, finally, it is his loss. I love him for letting me know that too. He knows, and blushes, but all I did was smile at him.
It is time for me to play my set, and without realising it, I start on Good Girl. Fuck...I wrote this song about the last time I saw him. Now I have to sing it to him, and he will know it's about him. I hope he doesn't feel uncomfortable - I've had people sing songs at me and it's hard. But no, he is rivetted, and Gwen is great on harmony and accompanying guitar. Then I play I'm Home, which is about me finding a place for myself wherever I am in the world, and making it my spacem followed by Wednesday's Child. Gwen then plays We Can Work It Out, Mrs Robinson, and the Spain, which is his song. Apollo whoops and claps and sings along. He has not changed that much.
Afterwards, he tells me that although he always liked my songs, he feels I should just go for it 100% now because I have the performance down pat. I am relieved he wasn't uncomfortable at the first song, although I don't say it. I am pleased at his compliment and earnest support, when, as usual, he realises exactly what I need support in, and supplies it. We have a little conversation about his hair, which he has recently cut, and I am amused by it. I like your hair better kind of short, I tell him. He looks in genuine amazement at me and blurts out "But I thought you prefered it long! You told me to grow it!" I told you to grow it because you wanted to grow it and were worried about how it would look! I retort equally indignantly! Then we laugh, and I repeat it again, softly this time. He nods as though he were stupid not to have realised it for himself. What's interesting is that he too has only just cut his hair, and he kept it long up until now...
At the end of the gig we have a bit of a session with Gwen and Apollo complimenting each other on their guitar and musical skills. They keep choosing to play songs that I knwo for a fact they both love to play, which cements their relationship further. Everytime one goes to the bathroom, I get a tirade of "God, he's lovely, blah blah blah" until whoever "he" is, returns. When we leave, I can see Apollo is unsure of whether to come with us to the Middle Ground. I want him to, but I also know he'll feel uncomfortable, and that he is already worried about us getting on so well. I give him a hug and tell him "I suppose you're going home now", to which he firmly decides he will, and we walk to the end of the road and seperate. I thank him for the pints and company, and watch him leave.
Me and Gwen are binned now, and we never meant to get this bad. The MiddleGround is like it's waiting for us, and Crow is glad to see us, and sticks us up for 4 tunes. I have a great time, and people stamp and laugh along to our set, which is very nice. Duff is nowhere to be seen, but someone else is. Peach, the boy with the green eyes, who I have only ever met about 7 times since 1995 when I dated his friend. He is sat on his own, and I join him. Another green-eyed person I adore for no real reason. We have a great chat about people and music and the way we think (similarly, it seems) on a great many things including being honest. We also dicuss how people see us as different to how we see ourselves. Gwen and I laugh and point at each other as usual also, and by the time we leave we are on for another drink but it is 3.30 and everywhere is shut. As usual the bouncer is an asshole to me : they flash the lights to indicate last drinks, but don't give you drink up time, which they are required to do. We had just bought drinks, and they yelled at everyone to leave, so I promised I would but asked for 5 minutes, yell-free, in which to finish my drink. As usual, they yelled at me, not any of the lads, and finally said yeah ok. But Peach was furious on my behalf, because apparently the bouncer then took him by the arm and told him to make sure to get me out of there, saying I was troublesome.
I have never caused trouble there, and the guy has a big problem with me. I was furious. I know the reason now too. Last week, after a similar incident, he said to my face that I caused trouble. I retorted angrily that I had never caused trouble(it's true), and that I reckon he has a sexual problem with me. He grinned, and I made as if to kiss and make up. Then I pulled back, and laughed. He was not amused. It was not nice of me, I agree, but I am not nice when pissed off and drunk as well. And this guy manhandles me always as well...I've made a complaint about him before, but I am thinking about doing it again.
In any case, I decided we were going to Friends, a member's bar round the corner, so Peach and Gwen and I went to try and get more drinks (I know - we're desperate!). At the door, I explained that we had been doing a gig at the Middle Ground, and had been told by Hatefulbouncer that we could get drinks here (he said no such thing of course). Your man at the door looked at me in amusement (I've done this before) and sighed dramatically before going "Alright. Get in. But leave the guitars in the clookroom or downstairs." I smiled as warmly as I could (and probably slightly cross-eyed as we were already mouldy), and we went inside. And drank. Until about 5am. Then Gwen NEEDED to go home, and NEEDED to walk on his own, and well, I get like that too, so I hugged him and let him go despite the fact we live in the same building. Peach and I chatted and laughed some more and then left. He lives down the road from me a good bit, so we decided to get a taxi together. But I rarely get taxis, and it was a nice night, and anyway I suspected I'd no money, so we started walking. I can honestly say I would not have made it home if he had not walked me. I would have happily slept in a gutter, I was that stocious. But my pride refused to let me do that while in company, and I think that's why he left me home, before carrying on on his own.
posted by Green Glass Beads at 11:06
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