Take me to the Island...
I went out to the Fairground on Friday night with Piscin, where we proceeded to get hammered and dance. It gets so packed in there but we didn't care. Elbow joined us after a while with a lovely practical Swedish lady who reminded me of my cousin despite the metal in her chin. Elbow said he wasn't sure if Swedish people could dance, and I said to him that they are some of the most comfortable dancers, what was he talking about! Being a woman, I was of course right.
I caught the eye of a spanish man who - shock! - looks like a fat version of my ex-boyfriend Apollo. Given that Apollo suffered from an eating disorder, this made him about average. Oh dear. Yes, sure enough, he came over for a wee chat. Upon seeing how distressed I was, his friend grabbed him by the arm muttering something in spanish about upsetting the poor girl. Then I felt terrible, and told him I was not being annoyed at all. Strangely, he took my telephone number, and walked off. Hmm. We'll see.
On our way home, I stopped Piscin by the canal to watch the water punch down into the blackness below. Suddenly we felt arms going around our necks, and I turned and pushed ready to defend myself. Two complete strangers stared back, astonished by our reaction. "I thought you were attacking us," I explained to their horrified faces. "Uh no, zat ees not...what....what izz zis h-you h-mean?"
Ah Frenchies. I see. Someone said once that like attracts like. When I asked why weird things always happen to me. I mean, what are the chances? Before we know it there are 12 french boys (well, maybe one or two can be deigned men) around us, and we have our back to the bridge and Piscin is mid-rant with one of them regarding the occupation of Ireland by the British forces. The poor unfortunate French boy has gotten his words wrong, and later we will learn that Piscin was in fact only stating facts he was trying to convey in his poor english. The man next to me with a 'fro of enormous (and strangely attractive) proportions keeps insisting that "zis boy 'ee ees very nice and maybeee wee shud take heem and h-you take heer and seperate!" But I just laughed and said they'd soon realise they'd made a mistake and were on the same side, and sure enough they did.
Saturday was lovely. I went in to meet my mother, who has to be one of the funniest people on this planet. She phones me everyday or emails me and generally the conversation goes:
"How are you? Mmm. Some fucker in work today GET OUT OF MY WAY YOU MORON JEEZ SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO FUCKING BEHAVE IN PUBLIC anyway yeah he told some poor guy in Belgium to stick the printer in the FOR FUCK'S SAKE! I HATE FUCKING IRISH PEOPLE! SO FUCKING IGNORANT! his printer in the sink to clean it. Well of course he nearly electrocuted himself and I laughed so hard! Listen, I have to go, this is my stop. Say hi to Le Chat for me. Love you. Bye."
We browsed around the bookshop (she owns nearly every book there anyway and kept saying "Do I have this one? Oh yeah, I do.") She insisted on buying myself and the sister a book, as well as about 7 for herself, which is enough to keep her going for a day or two. We went mad then in the Health Food store, buying all kinds of things, I bought a skirt then, and some silly cards, and then we went for a coffee. In true my-mother-style, the day was punctuated by coffee. The dutch understand the importance of these things.
We went for a meal at 7, which was lovely, and my sister and brothers and sister's boyfriend and mother's husband all were there. I had to work afterwards and so had a drink and a read for an hour before heading to work, sweets in tow. It's tradition to bring sweets to work on your birthday you see. I had a ball that night despite a hugely ignorant crowd who kept bringing pints back and trying to exchange them for other things. Wallys.
Sunday I got up relatively early, and with Piscin, we headed into town to meet the crowd and head out for the Island. I really didn't expect so many people to turn up, but they did. We got a boat out, but it was too rough to land so we just watched from afar. It was great fun, accompanied by biscuits and cakes. This was followed by a trip to a bookfair, and then some hot ports and a rugby match. On my birthday it stood to reason we would have to beat England. Of course we did.
We made it home with only 15 minutes left to get changed and head out for drinks. I decided to wear my holographic dress, which later I found out stopped several people from identifying me and heading back home. Whoops. Normally I don't wear short strapless sparkly dresses you see. Anyway, baby guinnesses and bottles of Corona and Becks kept transmografying onto my table, and soon I was up dancing to the seriously shite reggae that was being played by a French DJ with no rhythm. Eejit. I made it home via the chipshop and some currychips relatively early for me.
I caught the eye of a spanish man who - shock! - looks like a fat version of my ex-boyfriend Apollo. Given that Apollo suffered from an eating disorder, this made him about average. Oh dear. Yes, sure enough, he came over for a wee chat. Upon seeing how distressed I was, his friend grabbed him by the arm muttering something in spanish about upsetting the poor girl. Then I felt terrible, and told him I was not being annoyed at all. Strangely, he took my telephone number, and walked off. Hmm. We'll see.
On our way home, I stopped Piscin by the canal to watch the water punch down into the blackness below. Suddenly we felt arms going around our necks, and I turned and pushed ready to defend myself. Two complete strangers stared back, astonished by our reaction. "I thought you were attacking us," I explained to their horrified faces. "Uh no, zat ees not...what....what izz zis h-you h-mean?"
Ah Frenchies. I see. Someone said once that like attracts like. When I asked why weird things always happen to me. I mean, what are the chances? Before we know it there are 12 french boys (well, maybe one or two can be deigned men) around us, and we have our back to the bridge and Piscin is mid-rant with one of them regarding the occupation of Ireland by the British forces. The poor unfortunate French boy has gotten his words wrong, and later we will learn that Piscin was in fact only stating facts he was trying to convey in his poor english. The man next to me with a 'fro of enormous (and strangely attractive) proportions keeps insisting that "zis boy 'ee ees very nice and maybeee wee shud take heem and h-you take heer and seperate!" But I just laughed and said they'd soon realise they'd made a mistake and were on the same side, and sure enough they did.
Saturday was lovely. I went in to meet my mother, who has to be one of the funniest people on this planet. She phones me everyday or emails me and generally the conversation goes:
"How are you? Mmm. Some fucker in work today GET OUT OF MY WAY YOU MORON JEEZ SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO FUCKING BEHAVE IN PUBLIC anyway yeah he told some poor guy in Belgium to stick the printer in the FOR FUCK'S SAKE! I HATE FUCKING IRISH PEOPLE! SO FUCKING IGNORANT! his printer in the sink to clean it. Well of course he nearly electrocuted himself and I laughed so hard! Listen, I have to go, this is my stop. Say hi to Le Chat for me. Love you. Bye."
We browsed around the bookshop (she owns nearly every book there anyway and kept saying "Do I have this one? Oh yeah, I do.") She insisted on buying myself and the sister a book, as well as about 7 for herself, which is enough to keep her going for a day or two. We went mad then in the Health Food store, buying all kinds of things, I bought a skirt then, and some silly cards, and then we went for a coffee. In true my-mother-style, the day was punctuated by coffee. The dutch understand the importance of these things.
We went for a meal at 7, which was lovely, and my sister and brothers and sister's boyfriend and mother's husband all were there. I had to work afterwards and so had a drink and a read for an hour before heading to work, sweets in tow. It's tradition to bring sweets to work on your birthday you see. I had a ball that night despite a hugely ignorant crowd who kept bringing pints back and trying to exchange them for other things. Wallys.
Sunday I got up relatively early, and with Piscin, we headed into town to meet the crowd and head out for the Island. I really didn't expect so many people to turn up, but they did. We got a boat out, but it was too rough to land so we just watched from afar. It was great fun, accompanied by biscuits and cakes. This was followed by a trip to a bookfair, and then some hot ports and a rugby match. On my birthday it stood to reason we would have to beat England. Of course we did.
We made it home with only 15 minutes left to get changed and head out for drinks. I decided to wear my holographic dress, which later I found out stopped several people from identifying me and heading back home. Whoops. Normally I don't wear short strapless sparkly dresses you see. Anyway, baby guinnesses and bottles of Corona and Becks kept transmografying onto my table, and soon I was up dancing to the seriously shite reggae that was being played by a French DJ with no rhythm. Eejit. I made it home via the chipshop and some currychips relatively early for me.
posted by Green Glass Beads at 12:25
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