I am not an Entertainment Box
I have an escapist streak, which has made it through to this page. I keep this log to help me escape and get it all out, but now that someone I know knows about it, I refrain from adding to it because I need to escape.
Today I have partially overcome this urge to run.
The Disaster is still hounding me. Being a scatty unfortunate has led me to recently lose my phone, for the third time in 3 months. Well, technically it is stolen, but not without a margin of carelessness on my part. I was riding home on the train, 10 minutes, and someone took it from my pocket. Immediately upon reaching the station I realised it was gone and phoned it, only to find it was switched off. Subsequent tracing calls to the railway authorities and my work all proved negative. The bloody thing was gone. Once again, I have not told my mother for fear of her "how do you lose everything you bloody idiot, you can't afford to lose everything!" Well I know that, and I didn't do it on purpose.
Anyway, the upshot is that my general irresponsible behaviour has probably led directly to this problem. So I need to pull myself together. Since beginning that job in the pub I am drinking less, which is definately a good thing. So I have pulled myself together a wee bit. Maybe I am just meant to be all over the place.
Yesterday was Brad's birthday, and I went for a pint. I got talking to a lovely fellow who is a graphic designer, but he kind of came on strong. He was very nice about it, but I was too tired to deal with it so as gently as I could pretended I didn't notice and made it clear I was intent on being single, even though that's a blatant lie. He took the hint, and we'd great craic. As usual he told me I was a bit off kilter. I was tired, and snapped that I was fine, and everyone else is uptight. Honestly, I wish sometimes that people liked something about me that didn't involve me being "weird". I am not a fucking entertainment box. I am a real person, sometimes I am BORING, sometimes I am GRUMPY, sometimes I am not funny and don't have ideas or opinions to express, sometimes I am touchy, sometimes I need some stupid time too...
As I was saying, the Disaster is still texting me, despite me having lost my phone. I got a new phone yesterday on my way to record my radio show for a second time. The first time, the record hadn't worked(I really had a shit day that day I lost the phone) so I had to do it all again but it worked out. I found a bayleaf tree in a skip and carried it around until finally giving in and presenting it to the station manager of the radio because I was tired of carrying it round. The Disaster has been texting me manically to find out if I listened to the CD he made me. Oh the irony. The thing won't work. Haha. I would have laughed bitterly if I'd cared, but it made me snigger with glee at the ridiculousness of it all. I texted him (foolishly) and let him know. He wants it back.
#1 It is my CD. You gave it to me
#2 It doesn't fucking work, you moron
#3 I don't want you near me or my home ever again
#4 No, and leave me the fuck alone.
So why have I not barred his number? Well I can't tell you that just yet. It's difficult. Suffice to say, part of the reason is cos I don't want to be mean. And part of the reason is for another date.
Anyway, it is my sister's birthday today, and my birthday on Sunday.Woohoo! This'll be my first birthday in this country for years, as I hate celebrating at home ever since I'd a boyfriend who thought he was being romantic and bought me condoms for my birthday years back. Thanks for ruining the subsequent years. My birthday is about me, not you. I have never felt so under pressure up til that point.
I plan to go with some of my friends to an island off the North County. It is one I am always drawn to, and I am looking forward to it. Meep says "What the fuck are you going out there for. It's fucking freezing and what are you going to do?" It's funny, cos she needs no reason to go for a walk in other places, but this place doesn't fall under the same rules.Maybe it's just far away for her because she's other stuff to do. If I remember I will bring a picnic.
Tonight I am meant to go to my grandparents, but I am not in the mood. Which is mean, as I have not seen them in a while. But instead I want to go out dancing. After reading. As a woman it is nice to be able to fix yourself up and feel better as a result. That is the flip-side of the pressure to wear makeup and all that....
Today I have partially overcome this urge to run.
The Disaster is still hounding me. Being a scatty unfortunate has led me to recently lose my phone, for the third time in 3 months. Well, technically it is stolen, but not without a margin of carelessness on my part. I was riding home on the train, 10 minutes, and someone took it from my pocket. Immediately upon reaching the station I realised it was gone and phoned it, only to find it was switched off. Subsequent tracing calls to the railway authorities and my work all proved negative. The bloody thing was gone. Once again, I have not told my mother for fear of her "how do you lose everything you bloody idiot, you can't afford to lose everything!" Well I know that, and I didn't do it on purpose.
Anyway, the upshot is that my general irresponsible behaviour has probably led directly to this problem. So I need to pull myself together. Since beginning that job in the pub I am drinking less, which is definately a good thing. So I have pulled myself together a wee bit. Maybe I am just meant to be all over the place.
Yesterday was Brad's birthday, and I went for a pint. I got talking to a lovely fellow who is a graphic designer, but he kind of came on strong. He was very nice about it, but I was too tired to deal with it so as gently as I could pretended I didn't notice and made it clear I was intent on being single, even though that's a blatant lie. He took the hint, and we'd great craic. As usual he told me I was a bit off kilter. I was tired, and snapped that I was fine, and everyone else is uptight. Honestly, I wish sometimes that people liked something about me that didn't involve me being "weird". I am not a fucking entertainment box. I am a real person, sometimes I am BORING, sometimes I am GRUMPY, sometimes I am not funny and don't have ideas or opinions to express, sometimes I am touchy, sometimes I need some stupid time too...
As I was saying, the Disaster is still texting me, despite me having lost my phone. I got a new phone yesterday on my way to record my radio show for a second time. The first time, the record hadn't worked(I really had a shit day that day I lost the phone) so I had to do it all again but it worked out. I found a bayleaf tree in a skip and carried it around until finally giving in and presenting it to the station manager of the radio because I was tired of carrying it round. The Disaster has been texting me manically to find out if I listened to the CD he made me. Oh the irony. The thing won't work. Haha. I would have laughed bitterly if I'd cared, but it made me snigger with glee at the ridiculousness of it all. I texted him (foolishly) and let him know. He wants it back.
#1 It is my CD. You gave it to me
#2 It doesn't fucking work, you moron
#3 I don't want you near me or my home ever again
#4 No, and leave me the fuck alone.
So why have I not barred his number? Well I can't tell you that just yet. It's difficult. Suffice to say, part of the reason is cos I don't want to be mean. And part of the reason is for another date.
Anyway, it is my sister's birthday today, and my birthday on Sunday.Woohoo! This'll be my first birthday in this country for years, as I hate celebrating at home ever since I'd a boyfriend who thought he was being romantic and bought me condoms for my birthday years back. Thanks for ruining the subsequent years. My birthday is about me, not you. I have never felt so under pressure up til that point.
I plan to go with some of my friends to an island off the North County. It is one I am always drawn to, and I am looking forward to it. Meep says "What the fuck are you going out there for. It's fucking freezing and what are you going to do?" It's funny, cos she needs no reason to go for a walk in other places, but this place doesn't fall under the same rules.Maybe it's just far away for her because she's other stuff to do. If I remember I will bring a picnic.
Tonight I am meant to go to my grandparents, but I am not in the mood. Which is mean, as I have not seen them in a while. But instead I want to go out dancing. After reading. As a woman it is nice to be able to fix yourself up and feel better as a result. That is the flip-side of the pressure to wear makeup and all that....
posted by Green Glass Beads at 16:32
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