More Cats, Two for Tango, and Icicles in the Eyes
Sure enough I didn't stay in on Tuesday. I got a call from Lord of the Dance to go see a dance show (and little did I know my name for him would be so apt)! I refused at first, aware that it might come across as playing hard to get, as I was genuinely tired. But the show was finishing, so I had to go see it - it was the Nutcracker, but set in an office. Brilliant. I loved it.
Afterwards we went for a few drinks, but I was tired and wanted to go home. The Lord wanted to "Lie next to (me) on the pillow passing the time talking" so I said fine he could come home with me but I was going to sleep. He wanted to show me his room first, and that was when I started to feel that he was young. He wanted my approval.
I went back to his room and I am such a skank that I took a bottle of beer with me stealthily picked from the pub. I sat and glowered at the dark green walls, and tried to imagine sunlight. I looked into the face of the Lord and found it wanting...
"I'm going home," I said. *Stagger**stagger**wave*. He looked up and I shook my head. "I'm going home,I need to go home, I NEED to go HOME!"
"Will I see you again?"
"Okay" *I stared at the ground willing the door to open and then turned my back on him*.
"When?" His voice was quite soft now.
"Dunno," I said pulling at the door. Then, realising I was being very rude, I turned to face him and gave him a hug. "I'm very tired, sorry. Next week. I'm in Galway for the weekend."
"I'll call you next week then,"he said earnestly (was he messing with me?).
Mmm. I tripped down the stairs noticing it was far further than I remembered climbing, and ran to the gates and out into the Icy Cold.
Yes. My friend Earnest says he is not surprised I am still single. He laughs and shakes his head in despair when I describe anything I say or do. It's good cos I always feel that the real reason I am single is not that I am unwantable, rather scared and shy in a way people don't get. It is not my fault, it is THEIR fault...yesh....yesh it ish....
Anyway, I have decided that since I do not wish to be seen in public with the Lord, that it is definately a sign that I shouldn't fuck around, even for a bit of TLC. I will sort it out into a friendship next time I see him, provided that he needs to be told. I hate the idea of it being spread round that I'm with him when I'm not.
So yesterday I avoided my dressmaking class as I feel intimidated by my teacher, and I went to a music night of another boy with whom I get on well, although we have some blazing rows. Let's call him AS for Anti-Semite, cos he is. He told me there is no such place as Palestine. I told him I didn't believe in God but that didn't mean there wasn't one. I wanted to tell him that even Killer Sharon admits Palestine has a right to exist. I wanted to say that I was the bigger person cos him saying that to me didn't make me want to kill him, or feel the need to stamp on him (as he was evidently trying to do) but rather made me pity him. Incidently, he texts me cool, flirty texts quite a bit.
Anyway, at the music night I was due to play, but in the end I didn't, as there were too many people there. Instead I chatted to a boy I know a while, who is honest and sings in his own accent. Eddie. He was there with his mates Derry and Jack, and Derry has a foul mouth - she is one of the funniest women (and most stunning) that I have ever met. I went back to their house and we chatted and smoked and ate chips cos I was hungry. Eddie was quiet and kept disappearing. The lads accussed him (jokingly) of having a bottle of whiskey hidden downstairs. It was dark and there were Christmas lights on and a wee fire in the hearth. I knew he was crying. I made some inarticulate comment about "Icicles in your eyes" but he got me and nodded. I wonder did it have anything to do with me asking about his Christmas. I said he didn't have to tell me, but he did anyway; that he'd been alone and hadn't minded. Hadn't had a choice, from what I gather. I like this boy, I really do, and I told him I didn't know how to comfort him,so I slouched down beside him and said silly things which made him laugh. He is a pet. I hope someday that he can talk to me cos I didn't want to push him especially with so many people in the room. One on one is best.
At about 01.30 I went home, and the wind was warm and vibrant like the strings on a harp on my cheek. I love the wind even though it burns my skin when it is cold. I sang and heard the high notes cross the street before me as I walked.
My cat is sick. I thought at first he had a hairball (his first), but he was reluctant to move, and didn't eat much (my cat is a glutton usually). He also didn't purr much when I stroked him and seemed irritated. I phoned my sister this morning and made an appointment for him at the Vet's. I had to cancel a meeting about a part-time job in a pub and an experiment involving a plasma ball in a physics lab, but sure it happens. You'll have that.
I hope he's ok.
Meantime, I'm contemplating moving job.
Afterwards we went for a few drinks, but I was tired and wanted to go home. The Lord wanted to "Lie next to (me) on the pillow passing the time talking" so I said fine he could come home with me but I was going to sleep. He wanted to show me his room first, and that was when I started to feel that he was young. He wanted my approval.
I went back to his room and I am such a skank that I took a bottle of beer with me stealthily picked from the pub. I sat and glowered at the dark green walls, and tried to imagine sunlight. I looked into the face of the Lord and found it wanting...
"I'm going home," I said. *Stagger**stagger**wave*. He looked up and I shook my head. "I'm going home,I need to go home, I NEED to go HOME!"
"Will I see you again?"
"Okay" *I stared at the ground willing the door to open and then turned my back on him*.
"When?" His voice was quite soft now.
"Dunno," I said pulling at the door. Then, realising I was being very rude, I turned to face him and gave him a hug. "I'm very tired, sorry. Next week. I'm in Galway for the weekend."
"I'll call you next week then,"he said earnestly (was he messing with me?).
Mmm. I tripped down the stairs noticing it was far further than I remembered climbing, and ran to the gates and out into the Icy Cold.
Yes. My friend Earnest says he is not surprised I am still single. He laughs and shakes his head in despair when I describe anything I say or do. It's good cos I always feel that the real reason I am single is not that I am unwantable, rather scared and shy in a way people don't get. It is not my fault, it is THEIR fault...yesh....yesh it ish....
Anyway, I have decided that since I do not wish to be seen in public with the Lord, that it is definately a sign that I shouldn't fuck around, even for a bit of TLC. I will sort it out into a friendship next time I see him, provided that he needs to be told. I hate the idea of it being spread round that I'm with him when I'm not.
So yesterday I avoided my dressmaking class as I feel intimidated by my teacher, and I went to a music night of another boy with whom I get on well, although we have some blazing rows. Let's call him AS for Anti-Semite, cos he is. He told me there is no such place as Palestine. I told him I didn't believe in God but that didn't mean there wasn't one. I wanted to tell him that even Killer Sharon admits Palestine has a right to exist. I wanted to say that I was the bigger person cos him saying that to me didn't make me want to kill him, or feel the need to stamp on him (as he was evidently trying to do) but rather made me pity him. Incidently, he texts me cool, flirty texts quite a bit.
Anyway, at the music night I was due to play, but in the end I didn't, as there were too many people there. Instead I chatted to a boy I know a while, who is honest and sings in his own accent. Eddie. He was there with his mates Derry and Jack, and Derry has a foul mouth - she is one of the funniest women (and most stunning) that I have ever met. I went back to their house and we chatted and smoked and ate chips cos I was hungry. Eddie was quiet and kept disappearing. The lads accussed him (jokingly) of having a bottle of whiskey hidden downstairs. It was dark and there were Christmas lights on and a wee fire in the hearth. I knew he was crying. I made some inarticulate comment about "Icicles in your eyes" but he got me and nodded. I wonder did it have anything to do with me asking about his Christmas. I said he didn't have to tell me, but he did anyway; that he'd been alone and hadn't minded. Hadn't had a choice, from what I gather. I like this boy, I really do, and I told him I didn't know how to comfort him,so I slouched down beside him and said silly things which made him laugh. He is a pet. I hope someday that he can talk to me cos I didn't want to push him especially with so many people in the room. One on one is best.
At about 01.30 I went home, and the wind was warm and vibrant like the strings on a harp on my cheek. I love the wind even though it burns my skin when it is cold. I sang and heard the high notes cross the street before me as I walked.
My cat is sick. I thought at first he had a hairball (his first), but he was reluctant to move, and didn't eat much (my cat is a glutton usually). He also didn't purr much when I stroked him and seemed irritated. I phoned my sister this morning and made an appointment for him at the Vet's. I had to cancel a meeting about a part-time job in a pub and an experiment involving a plasma ball in a physics lab, but sure it happens. You'll have that.
I hope he's ok.
Meantime, I'm contemplating moving job.
posted by Green Glass Beads at 15:41
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